


Michael Jordan kills Adolf Hitler

by Hitlertheduck



Category: Der Untergang | Downfall (2004), Space Jam (1996)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23867539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hitlertheduck/pseuds/Hitlertheduck
Summary: Adolf Hitler comes to the future to rebuild the Third Reich but he is opposed by the lone hero Michael Jordan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Michael Jordan kills Adolf Hitler

Michael Jordan had just gotten finished shooting hoops with his buddies, now it was time to go home and unwind by playing some video games. 

Michael got home and proceeded to look through his game cabinet. He then got out his favorite video game of all time (Superman 64) and put it in his game console. 

The game eventually started up and this made Michael excited. 

“Boy, I sure do love Superman 64” said Michael cheerfully.

As always he was having an amazing time but his fun was interrupted when a bullet came through his window and hit his TV!

Now Michael was PISSED THE FUCK OFF and wanted whoever did this to pay with their life. 

The basketball player looked behind him and saw that a masked man wearing a black suit was trying to run away, Michael wouldn’t let that happen, he wanted to pull the man’s   
lungs out through his ass for killing his TV, so he began to chase him down.

The culprit ducked into a dark alley and Michael smirked at this.

“I’ve got you now you filthy television killer” said Michael

The basketball player then ran into the alley after him until the culprit found himself cornered.

“There’s no way out” said Michael.

“Who said I was leaving” said the stranger.

The strange man then ripped off all of his clothes at lightning fast speeds.

Michael Jordan’s jaw dropped open at the sight before his eyes.

The man wore a brown, button up, trench coat, a Nazi armband, black pants, and had a short firm moustache on his lips.

Michael already knew who this was, the man standing right in front of him was none other than Adolf Hitler!

“It’s you” said Michael.

“That’s right it’s me Adolf Hitler, the leader of the third Reich”

Michael couldn’t believe his eyes.

“But Adolf, you committed suicide in World War II” 

Adolf said “That was actually my twin brother Adolf Shitler who committed suicide. I built a time machine and went to the future so I could rebuild the Nazi party and kill all the Jews”

He then extended his hand out in friendship “and I want you to join me in my crusade Michael” 

The basketball player just slapped his hand away in disgust.

“I would never join someone who hates Superman 64” said Michael

Hitler just gritted his teeth in anger and said “so be it.”

Before Michael even had a chance to blink, Hitler seemed to just disappear in a puff of smoke. He then felt someone tap him on the shoulder.

Michael looked back and got punched in the face. He then felt his nose and found that Hitler’s punch had given him a nose bleed.

“Don’t think that I’m the same Hitler that lost World War II, I’ve grown stronger since then” said Hitler

Hitler then pulled out a pair of nun-chuks and started swinging them around like a complete expert. He then let out a battle cry before jumping in the air and repeatedly hitting Michael in the face with his weapon. 

Michael was tired of getting hit by Hitler’s blows so he reached into his pocket and pulled out his iconic basketball.

“Now let’s do some drills” said Michael

He then dribbled his basketball so fast that Hitler couldn’t even see it until he finished building up dribble energy and launched it at Hitler.

It hit him in the stomach and made Hitler go flying through several walls until he landed in a pile of trash cans.

“This is nothing but a minor setback, I’ll still kill you and take the Third Reich to new heights” exclaimed Adolf

Adolf jumped and ran up a wall, did a flip and tried to kick Michael in the face but the ball player blocked Hitler’s foot with his elbow and threw his basketball into Hitler’s face with the force of a nuke.

Hitler landed harshly on the ground and the blow from Michael Jordan caused him to cough up blood and a few teeth. 

Hitler then said “So Michael, it would seem that your basketball magic is as good as it ever was”

Michael just nodded his head in agreement

Hitler then said “it looks like I’ll need to get serious if I want to beat you” 

Hitler then grabbed onto his trademark mustache and pulled with all of his might. Blood started spilling out of his lip as he grunted and groaned in an attempt to remove his facial hair.

Michael wondered what he was doing until he saw energy was spilling out of Hitler’s lip the more he pulled on it! 

He ran up to Hitler in an attempt to stop him but it was too late and Hitler finished pulling off his moustache.

A rainbow colored explosion then erupted from the alleyway that sent Michael flying back into a pile of crates.

His vision was groggy so he rubbed his eyes to get a good look at the sight before him.

Adolf Hitler was there, only he looked a lot different without his mustache. He was a lot more muscular than before. His hair was now a sparkling rainbow color and he was flying in the air like some sort of demi-god.

“The gods put this mustache on me in order to contain my immense power” said Hitler

Michael said “wow that’s really interesting, can I go home now?”

Hitler didn’t say anything, instead he just flew up to the b-ball player and started punching at a rapid pace. Michael tried blocking some of the hits but Hitler was faster and made Michael bleed.

Hitler then finished his attack rush, grabbed Michael and flung him into a brick wall.

Michael just got up and said “is that really the best you can do?”

This aggravated Hitler immensely so he cupped his hands together and shot a bright pink beam of energy into Michael’s chest.

Michael didn’t fly back from this though, through sheer willpower he stayed where he was and started walking towards Hitler.

This shocked Hitler to his very core, but he managed to maintain a cool persona despite this. He started putting more and more of his energy into the blast but Michael just would not yield.

Michael kept on coming towards Hitler until he finally reached him and said “you’ve had your fun, now it’s my turn” before punching him so hard that it caused Hitler to warp into another dimension with the basketball player following behind him.

*Meanwhile in the other dimension*

Hitler’s sexy ass fell on the ground, and he got up to look around at his surroundings. He was in a basketball court but there was no one here but himself and Michael Jordan.   
“Wh-what is this place” asked Hitler

Michael Jordan then gently landed on the ground opposite of Hitler.

“This is the exact same basketball court where I and my mentor, Bugs Bunny, defeated the Mon-stars, and soon it will be your tomb” said Michael Jordan ominously

This made Hitler angry, how dare this lowly life form presume that he could possibly defeat the leader of the Third Reich all by himself?

Hitler then charged up pink energy and let loose a stream of pink energy balls in order to wipe the b-ball player from existence. 

Jordan didn’t even flinch at this, instead he just punched every single one of the energy balls away at light speeds before Hitler could even take a breath.

The basketball player then summoned dozens of basketballs in the air. Michael Jordan then snapped his fingers and all of them honed in on Hitler, who was powerless to resist.  
Hitler got blasted a fuckton of times by these basketballs but he still remained standing. He coughed up several pints of blood and had a few broken bones but still remained standing.

Hitler then flew into the air and pooled all of his energy into a large pink ball the size of a planet and unleashed it with the intent on obliterating Michael Jordan from existence.  
Hitler launched the ball and the explosion that came from it was blinding. 

After what felt like an eternity, the fire died down and Hitler was completely out of power from that blast.

“Finally, that nuisance is gone and I can begin bringing the Nazi Party back to its former greatness” said Hitler

Hitler’s blood then ran cold when he heard a voice behind him say “I don’t think so.”

Hitler then turned around and saw Michael Jordan standing before him with only a few slight burns on him. 

How could this be, he poured everything he had into that last attack and yet Michael Jordan still refused to die. Hitler could only think of one thing to say at this moment.  
“Wh-what the Hell are you” asked Hitler

Michael just smiled and said “I’m Michael Jordan, McDonalds restaurants have given me this time to talk about something we both really care about, kids. Kids are the reason that McDonalds sponsors their Get it Straight Program, a national drug awareness effort”

Hitler was confused now “You didn’t answer my question”

Jordan continued “think about this, many of you using drugs out there now are under 18, do you realize that at 18 you have only lived one fourth of your life? When you’re using drugs you’re only cheating yourself out of the chance to find out who you really can be, and believe me if you don’t use drugs you can be just about anything you wanna be.”

Hitler asked “what the fuck are you talking about?”

Michael ignored him and continued on “listen, you’ve got three fourths of your life to go, that’s three more lifetimes for you, so don’t blow it, don’t do drugs and if you’re doing it then stop it, get some help.”

Hitler said “why are you lecturing me on not doing drugs, I’m a vegetarian for Pete’s sake!”

Michael concluded “McDonalds wants you to give yourself a chance, a chance to find out all of the wonderful things that you really can be and so do I”

Hitler cocked his fist back and lunged at Michael.

“I AM GOOOOOOD” yelled Hitler.

Michael just caught Hitler’s fist with one hand. He then grabbed one of Hitler’s strands of DNA and started to unravel it.

Hitler screamed as his whole body started to fall apart and he turned to mush.

“There’s only room for one god in this world Adolf and that’s me” said Michael

Michael then left the basketball dimension and returned to the human world.

*Back in the human world*

Michael Jordan started eating a chicken nugget while monologuing to himself. 

“There was one reason you lost Adolf, one simple reason that determined your fate from the very beginning, you disrespected Superman 64” said Michael.

He then went to the store to purchase a new TV.


End file.
